Loving you is not okay
by Hermocious Grangizzle
Summary: The minister is a dictator. Hermione and Fleur need to learn to live together while keeping it a secret in fear of death or separation by force. M to appreciate the themes presented here. updated, fixed first chapter sorry! au, femmeslash
1. The beginning of love

Loving you is not Okay

Summary: The world had been plunged into chaos due to Voldemort's return. Scrimgeour (not Slug horn - sorry guys!!) goes nuts and thinks he can beat Voldemort himself and decrees anyone he deems "unfit" to fight will be executed or sent away until further notice. (aka. Azkaban) Harry is practically powerless.

Warnings: Femmeslash AU drabble shorntess  
notes: Dumbledore is alive - Sirius is alive - Bill and Fleur never got engaged (man I love being an author haha)

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

UPDATE: I ACCIDENTALLY UPLOADED THE UN-EDITED MESSY VERSION BLAH! All italics are somewhat like flashbacks. They are little stories in Hermione's mind.

Hermione's POV

I remember as a child my Aunt marrying another woman. The government had just passed a law that let everyone marry whoever they wanted. The happiness on everyone's faces that day was unmistakable. No one was scared to be near my aunt and her new wife, no one was disgusted, and no one wanted to see them dead.

My Grandmother showered my new aunt with hugs and kisses, welcoming her to our new family. This day was one of the happiest days of my life. There was no war, there was no worry, and there was no Minister of Magic to threaten the lives of those around me.  
It was the happiest day of my life second to only one. It was second to the day I first kissed the love of my life, Fleur Delacour…you. It was an incredibly rainy night, and it wasn't quite dark, but it wasn't quite light out. It was an almost eerie lighting, but everything just glowed. It was almost like being underwater the rain was so heave. You and I were professors at Hogwarts. You were the potions master, and I was the runes professor. Granted you had a bit more work and a higher standing than I, I was happier with my students. One of them reminded me of myself. Alejandra was her name. She even had a time turner to get to all her classes. I told her Divination is a waste of time but she insisted something good could come of that class. She was the only reason I met you. She simply reminded me that even something fantastic can come of something I hated.

_At first, in fourth year, I detested you with a raging passion. Lately though, that passion had turned into nervous butterflies. Every teacher's meeting we would share awkward glances. You would blush and quickly look away while I would pretend to be looking at something near you, then fix my hair. Our eyes always found each other. It was after the Halloween festivities planning meeting that our fate was inevitably sealed. As I turned the corner to go to the meeting, you turned the corner leaving. I had missed the meeting apparently. I was busy grading papers. We collided and I dropped everything I was carrying then you landed promptly on top of me. Our legs were entangled as your hair draped like a waterfall over your shoulders. You lifted yourself up and while propping yourself on your hands, said "Je'sui desolee ma cheri" I looked at you and replied "It's quite ok… I suppose I missed the meeting." I was fully aware we were still on top of each other and I had no intention of moving. Something felt right. The warmth of your body spread throughout every inch of me. Your deep blue eyes bore into my soul. As when you spoke your language, I watched your lips move in a flowing motion that made them that much more enticing. It was then I realized why I was so nervous around you. You were the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on. _

_"Excuse me, professors?" Came a voice. I gasped as we gathered ourselves and stood. It was Alejandra. "Sorry to…interupt but I didn't want any one else seeing. We all know how rumours start in this school."  
"Ah.. Yes…thank you Alejandra. Sorry." You smiled.  
"Your secret is safe with me." she said as she turned and walked back down the hallway. "What does she mean secret?" You inquired. "I dunno," I said replying to you about Alejandra's comment, even though I knew perfectly well what she meant. I was alone with you again. We had an awkward moment where we simply stared at each other, then you finally broke this pause with a smile. A beautiful, cliché million watt smile.  
"Sorry to have bumped into you like that." I said  
"It is quite all right 'ermione. Perhaps we could, 'ow you say, 'bump into each over tonight for dinner." I smiled at your offer. Or perhaps it was your accent. Or perhaps the fact you were asking me to dinner. "I would love to."  
"Let's meet in 'ogsmead zen. Tonight at five at Madame Rosmerta's"  
"Sound ace."  
"Ace?" You asked.  
"Oh, sorry, it means cool, or good."  
"Oui, my English is not perfect yet, I am trying, it iz the small slang terms that I do not understand still."_

"_It's ok. My French isn't exactly great."  
"You speak French?"_

"_No, that's why its not great." We both laughed. "Okay then, I have more papers to grade." I said finally collecting the papers I had dropped on the floor. "I will see you tonight at five then?"  
"Five sharp!" You smiled one last time and gave me a hug. It felt so damn good. Your body was slender and strong. I couldn't help but think what was underneath your robes. I cursed myself for thinking such things when you were simply hugging me. As you turned the corner I leaned against the wall and slid down it. I sat for a few moments by myself. The halls of Hogwarts had always comforted me. Was I gay? Was this ok? Was I falling in love? Yes, Yes, and Yes._

That was our first official meeting. Before that we never really talked. It was simply business. That night at dinner, it had begun to rain. I remember Dumbledore warning us before we left a storm was due in and if it got too bad we may not be able to get back to the castle. That night had turned out to be the best one of my life. We made it back to the castle, but it took a while. It was before heading back that you kissed me and told me you loved me since fourth year, the first time you ever laid eyes on me.

_"Bonjour 'ermione!" You called to me as I entered the tavern. You were seated at the bar. "Our table is over this way. I was getting us drinks while I waited. I assume you like wine?"  
"Yes I do, very much so actually. I never liked it as a teenager but now it's, well yea, I like it." I said awkwardly. Way to talk smoothly, Hermione.  
"I know 'ow you feel. Mama and Papa always insisted I had a glass with my dinner but I never liked it. I feel so grown-up now when I drink it. Even though I am grown-up, it's strange to feel that way oui?"  
"Exactly how I meant to say it." You smiled. As we both sat down you asked me what I was planning on eating. I hadn't thought that far. Should I order a salad? I didn't know. I didn't want to look like a pig. " Ma cheri, I will order for us. Trust me. I am a very good judge of tastes. And if I am wrong, I will cover the entire bill." _

"_Fleu-"  
"Non, I insist." I succeeded. "Now, Dumbledore said a horrible storm is coming in. I fancy the rain though."  
"Yea, I love the rain too. Something about it is so relaxing."_

"_I remember I used to turn everything in the house off and simply listen for every drop to hit the roof. I always felt safe when it poured. I can only remember one large storm though. I never really rained hard, like the way I prefer it to."_

"_It rained liked that all the time where I grew up. I always feel at home when it rains." It was then our wine arrived and the waiter asked for what we were having. You ordered yourself a steak-tip meal with asparagus and a salad to start. You then ordered me a type of chicken stuffed with feta that I had never tried with broccoli and a salad to start also. " 'ermione you mean to tell me you 'ave never had feta chicken! This is absurd! You will love it I promise." And I did. I loved every bit of it. It was the greatest meal I had ever eaten and you picked it out for me on our first meeting. It was like you knew me all my life. It was during coffee after we had eaten that the rain had started to come down. "Listen 'ermione!" you smiled excitedly, pausing and closing your eyes to hear the drops hit. You looked so serene. You slowly opened your eyes to say, "Let's pay and walk back in the rain. Please?" The look in your eyes was irresistible. The fire's glow hit your eyes in all the right angles and made them look like sapphires for the taking. " I was thinking the same thing." We left the restaurant and buckets of rain fell upon us. It was like being in the lake. You grabbed my hand and a bolt of electricity shot through my body and I smiled. You looked at me but there was no smile like there was on my face. My smile turned into a look of curiosity. You were completely serious, but in a concerning, needing way. The fire from Madame Rosmerta's glistened again in your eyes and played softly upon your skin. You took my other hand in yours. " 'ermione I have ssomething I want to tell you." you said softly, rain falling down your face. You were beautiful. " I-I love you. I have loved you since the first time I saw you." She looked away from me, as if ashamed. I felt shocked, but in a good way. I smiled at this. You telling me this was the best news I had ever received. At that I squeezed your hands as if to say ' I know, and it's ok.' You looked at me with hopeful eyes, smiled, leaned in ever so slowly. Before your lips hit mine you paused and looked me in the eye as if asking me one more time if it was ok for us to be loving each other. Yes, it most certainly was. It felt so right. Something that made sense to me so well could not be wrong. It was at that moment I fell in love with you. Our lips were millimeters apart and I could feel the rain slide between our lips. I finally closed the gap and kissed you. It was the greatest feeling I had ever experienced. Slowly we moved together as your hands came up to cup my face. Your hands were slender and elegant. I held onto your waist. Everything was perfect at this moment. As we broke apart I leaned my forehead against yours and whispered, "My room or yours?" I had never been so sure of something so quickly. I wanted you it was that simple. You and only you. Something just clicked and I think something clicked with you too. " 'ermione, I would be more than obliged if you would accompany me to my room." I didn't even know where your room was. The only teacher room that I even knew of at all, was mine own. I smiled and kissed you once more before we walked back to the castle hand in hand. It may have been fast but that night we made love until the sun came up. Just before leaving you grabbed me and shut the door. You kissed me passionately to let me know it was no one night stand and you were definitely in love with me. "J'taime" I was attached to you forever in that moment. You were the only one for me and I was the only one for you._

We lived together after that. My room was barely lived in at all. We made love more times than I can remember but sometimes we would just sit in each other's company. I would read and you would draw either me or something in your mind. You were always sketching. You once drew me sleeping. I was completely embarrassed to see how awkwardly I slept, you thought it was beautiful though. Finally, when the school year ended, you asked me to move with you to London to your flat. I obliged. We lived together for three years before the war was under-way in full-swing. Neither of us knew what would become of the situation or our relationship. It was well known the minister hated anyone different than he, besieges muggles. He hated gays, blacks, Muslims, Asians, anyone who was slightly different. We weren't worried in the beginning. It was towards the middle of the war that our desire to marry was shattered.

It was a time that I never want to remember.

TBC - YES I AM WRITING ANOTHER NOT SO ONE CHAPTER STORIES!!

Please, please, please read and review. This story is rather morbid feeling already. I promise it will be sad but happy. And compilations is almost done. Seriously. So please leave a review and chapter two of this will come soon.

It's not going to be a wicked long fic. I'm thinking three chapters of good ness Kind of capturing the before the during and what happens to them.


	2. A start of a War

Chapter Two of Loving You is Not Okay.

Chapter 2: The beginning of a war

Disclaimer : I own nothing!

Warnings: If you're reading chapter two, you read the warnings and don't mind.

Summary: Again, did you read the first chapter.

Okay enough with the formalities. I'm here guys. I'm sorry . I could give you an excuse but I don't have one. Basically school. I wish I had something like, I was typing and suddenly a T-Rex burst through the closet door and swallowed the hard-drive whole…..but nothing of the sort happened. Anyways, on with the story.

Another note, I hate writing third person - all the 'you's' are not you the reader (lol sorry?), its either Fleur or Hermione. I think it's more dramatic that way.

It's a bit longer than my chapters usually are too :-D

Hermione's POV

Though You and I were officially together, no one knew. We had this little game, I guess one could call it, where we would sneak around, like teenagers escaping parents. I would leave my room late at night to pretend to be on duty. The only person who ever discovered me coming back early in the morning was Alejandra.

"_Professor?" 'Oh shit' I though. "It's awfully early. What are you doing near the Ravenclaw dorms? Aren't you head of Gryffindor?"  
"Ah…yes…I was simply going over some work with Professor Delacour."  
"Going over work…at six thirty in the morning? I'll pretend to believe you."  
"And I'll pretend you believe me" I replied with a smile. " Ten points to Ravenclaw for… secretiveness."  
"Is that a word?"_

_" It is now."  
"Okay professor. I'll see you in class."  
"Good day then." I quickly moved down the hall trying to avoid anyone else. That was awkward enough. I could hear Alejandra chuckling. It was then that I realized I put on your bathrobe and was walking back into my room in it. Not to mention my shirt underneath was inside out and backwards. Smooth Hermione, reaaaaaal smooth. _

That, of course, was a one time incident. Eventually I just stopped going back and forth. That was when my room essentially stopped being lived in. I remember once going back to find a layer of dust over everything. A room for a year unlived in at Hogwarts apparently warranted great amounts of dust. Or maybe it was because I had spells preventing house-elves from cleaning my room. Dobby was not too fond of it, but I insisted. "Master Hermione," he would say " We are elves, we must clean!" I would just sigh and tell him to cook me something. It was a compromise of sorts.

When the war came around, it was the second semester, in May. You and I were eating breakfast in bed when your owl tapped at the window with the Daily Prophet. The heading read, "War upon us, polish your wands and ready your broom" There was a picture of Harry training. Poor Harry. He and Ron worked day in and day out to prepare for the war. I could have saved you the trouble if only if I knew what was to come mere months after the war started.

"_Mon dieu! 'ermione look at this! The minister has declared war on anyone with any association to the dark arts. He says…" you started turning the page, " that anyone who has had prior relations, current relations, or seems like they might turn to the dark side will promptly be detained. He hopes for a fast war." I couldn't help but laugh. A quick war with Voldemort, bullocks._

_"Is he bloody daft! There is no such thing as a quick war. Even if there was, no one wins. People die and that's the reality of it. I wish they would stop playing it up as some heroic movement. We've been fighting this war since fourth year."  
"My little soldier." you said smiling, kissing me on the forehead. "Say, why don't we go to Hogsmead this weekend? It is not a student weekend so we will not have to worry about unwanted company. We could invite Harry and Ron and Ginny…..maybeourparents."  
"And who?" I asked, "you jumbled your words together."  
"Well, I was thinking, I don't plan on leaving you and I hope to God you don't plan on leaving me, and I can never keep anything from my parents for too long. I was hoping we could invite them and tell them." You did say what I thought you said. Shit. I already told mine.  
"Ah, sure, Fleur. I kind of alreadytoldmine." Apparently you can understand gibberish better than I.  
"Why didn't you tell me!" You said glaring, obviously upset. " 'ermione it is not that I mind but that is a big thing! How many others know?"_

_"Just them and Harry. They're my loves of my life, besides you of course, my number one, but it was killing me not telling them!"_

_"Fine but now we are telling everyone close this weekend. Ron and Ginny included. As well as my mama and papa and Gabrielle. Harry can come. And I guess your parents, though it seems pointless."_

_"Fleur, that's not fair. If I knew it would make you this upset I wouldn't have said anything."_

_"Non, I am not upset." You said, sipping your tea, biting a very large piece of your bagel, and promptly opening the newspaper to the gossip section, the part you knew I hated the most. _

_" Oh real mature, read Rita Skeeter when you know I hate her and her damned articles." You turned to me and stuck out your tongue. "No words now? Fleur, love of my life, sweety, my darling, pumpkin cakes, "I went on listing every odd pet name I could think of until you were finally about to crack a smile, " I am truly sorry."_

_"Mon amie, you are lucky your sense of sarcasm and wit has not failed you." You kissed me quickly on the lips and got out of bed.  
"Awwww come back its bloody cold without you."  
" Real mature 'ermione," you said mocking me, " whining now." I stuck my tongue out at you. You laughed and came over to me. You pulled the tray in front of me and set it on the bed side table. You kissed me deeply. As soon as my hands reached your neck you pulled away. "Ha!" you said " Not this morning." Defeated I gave up. " now get out of bed and write your parents. We are having brunch on Saturday."_

That week went by fast. Mainly because I was so worried about Fleur's parent's reactions. What if they hated me. I was also worried for Harry and Ron. They had written back to me explaining that Ginny was going to come but with only Fred, so that she wouldn't be the odd man out. Harry and Ron were training other troops now day and night. Percy had just recently been the newest victim of the Voldemort army. They discovered him to be a double-agent of sorts, informing our side of their movements.

The war was all too real. Dean Thomas had just been drafted, as did Parvati and Padma Patil. I couldn't help but bear the thought of one of us being drafted. It seems the Minister wanted this war done fast. The man power he was creating was far greater than the death-eaters.

" _Fleur I love you." I said one day right before you fell asleep. I had been having the worst time sleeping, bearing the thought of you dieing in the war. _

_"Ma cheri, are you ok?" You said rolling over to look at me. Tears started streaming down my face. "Do not cry mon amie it will be okay."  
"What if it isn't? What if you die? Or Harry, or Ron, or Ginny? I can't sleep at night thinking about these things."_

_" I promise you I will never leave your side. Harry, Ron, and Ginny are strong. They know what to expect. They love you and will not leave you. 'ermione you worry yourself to the point of sickness. The war is eminent but I fear you worry far to much." These wounds put a mere band-aid on the wound. I slept that night, but the dreams got worse and worse. So much that I did not sleep the four days prior to our arranged dinner with our parents._

_" 'ermione we need to 'urry! My parents 'ate when I am tardy." I came out of the bathroom, looking and feeling exhausted. _

_"Fleur is this such a good idea? I feel miserable."  
"Mon amie, you look miserable. Maybe we should put this off. I would hate for you not to have your normal wits about you. It is what they are most eager to see in you."_

_"I'll just take a potion. They have all been waiting this week for this day and I suppose it will take my mind off of…things."  
" you are still worried about the war." I nodded " I love you 'ermione, you do know that?" I nodded again. You came to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. "I promise to never let go of you, ever. I won't go into war. I am staying here with you where I belong." I smiled at this and returned your embrace "I love you so much 'ermione." Those words took a heavy weight off my shoulders. You loved me and you were never leaving me. _

_"I love you too, Fleur." After a few kisses, we left for dinner. It was nice to see everyone. Ginny pulled me aside right before we all sat down.  
" Hermione, listen, I hate to put this on you but, Harry needs your help. The minister he- he won't let Harry do anything he needs to. We need you to speak with the minister. He always respected your opinion. I needed to tell you this before we ate. Harry doesn't want to drag you into this. He told me how happy you were with Fleur and well, I can't help but be jealous. What you two have, is rare. I've seen you two together for two seconds and I can already tell. I'm sorry to put this on you. Let's eat?" I couldn't believe what she was telling me. After all you had told me, now they wanted me to help. I wasn't going to leave you either but could I really put it upon myself to drag you with me? _

_We all sat at the table. You to my right, Fred to my left, our parents in front of us with Ginny, of course, next to Fred. We all shared a bottle or two of wine. The night was relaxing. After my first glass of wine, I began to forget about what Ginny told me and what I had to tell you after dinner. Soon enough though, the moment of truth had come._

_"So Fleur, tell me, why 'ave you called us 'ere?" Your mother asked, a tiny twinkle in her eye. She looked at me and winked. She figured it out already? " Could it be perhaps my daughter 'as found love?" _

_"Mama? 'ow did you know?" You said, a smile spreading across your features._

_"Mon dieu!" your father exclaimed, "even I could tell! Look at the two of you! I can feel the love."_

_"So 'ow is the sex?"I dropped my fork and knife and choked on my food. Ginny gulped awkwardly. Gabrielle burst out laughing, my parents simply chuckled, my father not as much as my mother. " Mama! Please!" _

_"I am sorry Fleur but I must know." Seeing the reactions of everyone, I couldn't help but laugh. Gabrielle was beat red, as was Fred. Fred more-so as my somewhat adopted brotherly figure. Ginny continued to try and breath from choking on her drink while I simply stated, " It's fantastic." Proudly I looked to Fred who turned a shade even deeper than his hair, which I didn't think was possible. Ginny now was at a complete loss. My parents had stopped chuckling and were looking at me in a way that they couldn't believe their little girl had grown up. Maybe they were expecting me to become a nun. A celibate lesbian nun, there's a character. Fred left the table mumbling something about the bathroom and 'bloody women and their sex lives' Your parents just looked at us and smiled. Gabrielle was still in stitches. She was only 17. Maybe she hadn't grown out of her immaturity. Not that we have grown out of either. You squeezed my hand under the table. I looked into your eyes then to your parents. They liked me. First stressor of the night was done with. If only everyone saw us the way our parents did._

_After dinner and the good-byes, we walked outside to see Gabrielle and Fred talking avidly. I giggled, thinking they were a cute couple. You got all bothered saying " That is my baby sister." I just laughed at you. I grew quiet quickly though. Ginny's words were still heavy on my mind._

_"Mon amie what is bothering you?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"You are a terrible liar."_

_"Remember we kissed for the first time here?"  
"Oui, and it was the most magical night of my life. Now stop changing the subject and tell me what is wrong!"_

_" I just. I just." Great, now I'm stuttering, "I don't want to join the war, but Ginny told me that I have to go to the minister to straighten things out." Now I'm rambling at high-pace and am nowhere hear stopping. " I mean the minister and I have been friends, he respects me, especially after the speech I gave at the end of my seventh year. Well, it was more like in the middle - never mind- and well he won't let Harry do what he needs to do. And that's a problem. I cannot just leave you here so of must I course take you, I mean…of course I must take you. I love you and I can't leave you alone--" You then cut me off by kissing me. Thank you. I love you so much. You looked at me in the eyes, your deep cerulean blue eyes transfixing and calming me. _

_"Of must I course take you? 'ermione you need sleep amor."_

_"I know I ju-"  
"Non, come, we are going to sleep. You more than me but you need it. You're cute when you ramble like that but it scares me when you do. I must of course take you to sleep 'ermione." _

_"Are you going to mock me over that mix up words forever?"  
"Oui, or until you learn to take better care of yourself. I love you but honestly," you started mocking me, "I course of must?" You started laughing when you looked at my face. I wasn't finding your teasing amusing. Maybe if I wasn't so tired I would find it amusing. You smiled at me and kissed me. I was calming down every inch closer you came. When you held my hand and hugged me, my problems melted into you. You took it with a grain of salt. _

_But you indeed force me to sleep. And indeed I slept. For all of that night, all of Sunday and most of Monday, a holiday. You stayed beside me the whole time. Whether you were grading papers, holding me close while stroking my hair, or sketching my sleeping form, you were there the whole time. Just like you promised. Maybe this war wasn't going to be too bad. _

I thought that then. Yet I still hold onto that thought that maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. It was a rough time. Everyone was confused. No one deserved what they received.

I hold onto the thought of you never letting go. Your kiss warms me every day. Your hand steadies me when I start to fall. Your words keep me from the edge. You love me.

A/N: No, it's not done, this is only chap.2 There is more to come. Like it so far?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review?!?!?!?!? I really enjoy them and it makes me work faster.


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